i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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