What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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