she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
