You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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