A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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