some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
