You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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