she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
