Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
