Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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