Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
