so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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