i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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