Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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