Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
