He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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