I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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