matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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