Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
