Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
