A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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