Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
