i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
