We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize