Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
