She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
