I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
