I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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