I hate your face
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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