My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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