just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
