Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
