I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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