So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
