I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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