Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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