my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
