K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
