Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
