she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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