it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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