are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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