can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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