I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i permit you to call me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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