Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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