Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
