I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
