do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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