Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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