You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
