All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
