This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
