So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
