I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do vagina's smell?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
