Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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