You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
