i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
