Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
