i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
