i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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