his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
