i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
