She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
