I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
