And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
