I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
