I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
