Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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