so that wasnt chicken after all
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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